Things I don't Understand

If I made a genuine list of things I don't understand, you guys would have thousands of millions things to read and then some. So today I'll try to shorten it all to one word: death. Now I'm not talking about the 100 year old lady who lived a long and happy life and died simultaneously with her husband in his arms. That is just plain fine. Give a three cheers for God and a few speeches about how happy you are to have had known them and everything will be okay. No, what I'm talking about is the tragic car accident of the high school girl getting killed in her graduation cap and gown. Or the teenage boy who loses a child at three months, or the women who gets Alzheimer disease at 40. What I don't understand is how a God that I believe in to be great and all-powerful can allow this to happen to the most innocent of people.
I mean, is it punishment? You have lied so now you are denied to a happy life? You had sex before marriage so now you are denied that child? You have disrespected you parents so now you can never become one? I don't understand; this great God is supposed to be all merciful. Forgive you when you slip up because as a human race we are but imperfect. I can’t help but believe that He does, so how are the great tragedies explained? Are they just a coincidence? Evil winning over good for once, showing that even God can miss some things?  I kind of doubt that honestly. Maybe it is His way of showing us what to be grateful for. I tend to avoid being thankful for my parents when they ask me to stay in on a Friday night to babysit. Should I instead be thanking them for being alive? Probably.
Nonetheless, the amount of tragedy is so great that it is hard to keep in perspective whether it is for the best or not. Everyone says, “I’m sorry for your loss. They are in a better place now though.” It is hard to think that way when it is your loss and not somebody else’s. Yes, heaven is the ultimate destination, where you want to end up, even better than Earth. But still, the person has to look down on us living life: falling in love, achieving success, experiencing a wide-range of emotions. Does your want for life diminish when you reach heaven? That you no longer want these things or miss those you left behind? Or maybe you just have all these wants fulfilled; your own dream world at your finger tips.
The problem is that no one knows what it is going to be like when we die. Everyone has guesses and some say they have been told by God, but there is no scientific proof so I have a hard time truly believing anyone’s ideas. I mean, what if you just die? No more thoughts, no more feelings, no more you? Like one of those dreamless nights, you experience nothing. It is impossible to imagine since you are constantly in some form of cognitive thought process.
Thinking about death just raises more questions for me than answers. This is just one of those things that neither Wikipedia nor Google can help me answer, and I am at a sincere loss. I never know when my last day will be or if something horrid will ever happen to me. I can hope not and try to build up some good karma, but until something decisive happens I will just value what I have at this point and time because I am truly a blessed person.
Sincerely Sydney