Quiet Time

Being a teenager, it is pretty standard to have a busy schedule. School takes up most of your time, and then tack on sports, work, homework, family, church, clubs, volunteering, friends, pets, chores, etc. I’m actually a bit surprised we even have time to sleep! But with all this time, we are constantly in contact with other people, forming bonds and hearing new takes on life. So much contact in fact, that it is actually a bit overwhelming. So many ideas and standards being shoved down our throats that we barely have time to contemplate things by ourselves. There are those few fleeting moments in the early morning and late night, but for the involved teenager those are generally wasted texting someone they love that they will catch up soon, updating the Facebook realm to the utter exhaustion they feel, and sleeping as much as possible.  Yes, I know 2 out of 3 of those things were technology based, but that is just our culture these days.

With so little time to ourselves, when we do get the time to be alone, we exclaim that we are bored and lonely and latch onto plans with others as quickly as a man in the desert would for water. We have been conditioned to be busy, and if we are not it is uncomfortable to us. I won’t lie; I am almost uncomfortable when having to be by myself for long spans of time. I am not used to not being nudged or talked to for a large majority of the day. Even socially I am not used to being alone, as I almost always have a boyfriend and a large group of friends, giving me options so I am never alone. Many teenagers are like this from what I’ve seen.

The problem with this lifestyle choice is that we don’t recognize recuperation time as acceptable. We don’t allow ourselves time to listen to ourselves and just think deeply about what we know and what we still need to learn. I want to feel comfortable spending days by myself just reading and listening to music, writing some non-required blog posts. But when I am by myself lately, all I do is watch Hulu or Netflix, emerging myself in yet more social interaction. No time for self reflection. As a person, I think an internal balance inside me is sincerely lacking.

This helps explain my newfound fascination with Church, specifically the one I am just now joining. I like the time it allows me to focus on what my brain thinks, what my heart feels. It gives me some place quiet where I can ask myself, and the being I believe brought my life into existence, what should happen next. It is time for me to be selfish and yet feel so good about it. Which is something this blog also brings me.  A sense of a diary I suppose, where I can just say what I feel and not really care what other people think as not many read these posts. I’ve always been shy with the idea of a diary because, truth be told, I don’t know how to go about it. I don’t like the idea of feeling like I am talking to myself (probably based on the above topics) so this gives me an audience. But because the audience is practically nonexistent, I can say what I think without any feeling of judgment, and I get points in the grade book for it. Double win!

So yes, people say blogs are self-centered and just another whiny man’s way of putting his thoughts out there that nobody really cares about. But I find them peaceful and a way for people to be comfortable with their thoughts within this new cultural shift.  Maybe someday I will find myself able to talk to myself and not feel like a psych patient or like I’m wasting my time. For now, though, I will just stick with the corny blog, a little mix of me and some current events, and really just random musings. It is like my form or yoga or self meditation.

PS. I do believe I want to take a yoga class. Maybe I will find time for that.

Sincerely Sydney