Sad Face

Reading about colleges online makes me really quite sad. Everyone has something bad to say, something that will tell me that what I'm trying to do is ridiculous really and I should not even try. I gotta say, I put a lot into my beliefs about college. That it is a time when I am going to become a new and improved individual, getting on with her life and getting ready to achieve some life goals. But it is pretty much impossible to go to college if I can't decide on a college. Every college seems to be throwing themselves at me but then I look into them and they all seem not quite right: too big, too small, too expensive, too cliche, too easily attained, too selective. What is a girl to do? And then there is talk of what I want to become (a doctor) and how hard it is to get into med school and how hard it is to survive the per-requisite classes and how hard it is to make time for other things in life. It is almost making me wish I wanted to become a real-estate agent or an accountant. Then I would atleast know I can do it, and do it quick. How awful would it be if I got started on this long quest for meaning and had to restart? Say "oopsies guess I wasn't good enough for this" and go back to the beginning? I would be mortified and in debt. There is also the problem of finding love. What if I don't find the one for me?

With no certainties on my future, I'm feeling a bit stressed. Never before has so much emphasis been placed on what I hope to become. Usually people just talk about my here and now. Did you hear what Sydney did? Have you looked at Sydney's grades? Sydney is currently doing this, now everyone declare that they are proud. I have lived for this since I was a little girl, and now I'm finally asked to do something about it. Yes I have good grades, but that doesn't insure me a spot at any college I apply to. Yes, I am interested in medicine, but that doesn't mean I will always want to be a doctor. Yes I have a boyfriend now, but that doesn't mean I will have a husband later.

It is a comfort to know, however, that my family supports me 100%. I told them I want to be a pediatric surgeon that they were proud and would help me get there. They would have my back no matter what my choice and are willing to pick me up when I fall down. It still is a lot of pressure though, especially because I don't want to disappoint them either. If I don't achieve all these goals, I will feel like a complete failure, who lived out her glory years in high school.

I know I will be fine in the long run, and that everything will pan out for me. I will have a great life with the help of friends, family, God, and a little common sense. I just have to have faith that I will be able to follow my dreams, no matter how hard the going gets.

Sincerely Sydney